I have had a deep internal battle, expressing how I feel for most of my life. I was bullied all through elementary school and high school and it continued through college. Myself confidence took a big plunge and it is a hard thing to rebuild. I went from being an extrovert to an introvert and slowing things are turning around. It’s a slow process and just because, I’m 30 doesn’t mean it has been easy. Mom’s still can be mean to each other, sadly. But by holding my morals and values, at the center of my guiding principles and respecting myself things are starting to shift.
Unfortunately we judge people continually and instead of giving loving and constructive feedback, we often attack based on emotionally where we are at. Another important aspect to consider is perhaps the receiver hasn’t asked for the feedback, so they aren’t open to receiving feedback. Or out of fear, they automatically attack. However, “attack mode” just highlights their own insecurities. It is important to realize what they are saying is a reflect of themselves. It’s hard after someone attacks us to not be offended and offer help to that person which might be the right thing to do. But the person often attacking us might not even realize something internally is going on with them. It takes two emotionally intelligent people to fix the situation and be able to move forward.
Yes, some cuts are deep but God tells us that we must forgive others to be forgiven ourselves.
Matthew 6:14-15 -” 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
This does not mean that we have to be best friends with that person or have a real and deep relationship, you just need to come to peace with the situation. Having a loving and benefit of the doubt mindset also helps as well vs. seeing their flaws and continually finger pointing. People are not perfect and they will make mistakes and let you down. That is life sadly. You need to find balance or you will be continually hurt and throwing people out of your life who might be there for a greater purpose.
An additional resource you might find helpful was my post on dealing with situations that are out of our control.
We are all flawed but it is our insecurities which help us grow, heal and shine even brighter. I’d love to hear your thoughts.. comment below.
ORIGINALLY POSTED JANUARY 7, 2015; EDITED AND RE-POSTED MAY 14, 2016
This song came on my playlist while I was writing this post, and I had to add it. India Arie speaks some serious truths in this song, Talk to Her. One of my favs! Enjoy
“When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody a
Talk to your mama
Don’t get smart with her
Have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would
Would with you daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You got to live with everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sister
She’s somebody’s mama “